Crabs are the lamest STD of all, because you see them, dots on your body, and their pinchy needle legs squeal, “You are dirty! You are a whore! You are single!” Until you blast them out with radioactive A-2000, which is so toxic it makes your skin throb, and then you sit there and glow like shameful uranium. Crabs are visual and concrete-not like the noxious, ever present fumes of AIDS. It hovers like gas. It is the air I breathe and surrounds my body. I monitor myself constantly-Was that a night sweat? Am I fatigued? Are my glands swollen? Is that what thrush looks like? Am I practicing “safe(r) sex? I lie in my bed the night after a sex act and ask question after question, putting myself through a brochure of risks until my terrifying investigation begins to tire me and I have to slump in a chair and find comfort in the idea that I will soon be too dead to care. Then I will wake up forgetful and go out and start all over again, giving blow jobs with the same mouth that says God I have to get tested again soon.

-Hornito MY LIE LIFE

by Mike Albo, 2000

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